It only took 29 years… but good things are worth waiting for and great things take time.
For years, I was searching. Moving from one city to the next career to a new relationship. Each thrilling with the buzz of newness and excitement, each dwindling into disappointment and a feeling of familiarity. Something was still missing, right around the bend, ready to be found.
But as I’d soon learn, the only thing that remained constant through it all was myself and that everything I searched for wasn’t out there, but within. So within I went, searching the deep waters of my heart. What lay there?
It wasn’t easy. I didn’t like what I saw. Self-serving tendencies, neglect to any lasting purpose, moving uncertain of which way was North. I wonder, how many people have felt like this too?
And I learned, my soul was longing. My soul had not been tended to for so long. Enough. I wouldn’t live like this any longer, or lack thereof.
I cried when I felt the need to, I took time out and didn’t feel bad about it, I stopped asking “what if” and looking at the person next to me, wondering what the color of the grass under them might be. And I prayed incessantly, until they left the corner of my bed where I prayed and followed me everywhere I went; became whispers under every other breath.
I spent time in the Word. I meditated on each line of scripture and the wisdom it offers. I learned… no career, relationship, or promotion can lastingly nor sufficiently fit the God-shaped hole of an eternal soul. And what a beautiful thing that is. It preserves the untouchable-ness of our precious paid-for souls and very being. It’s a journey. But the good news is, we have eternity to work on it.
Now, wherever I am, no matter what I’m doing, I lift my eyes up to the heavens and sing praise because my soul has a friend and I’m living in His grace.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. — Matthew 6:33